What the Politicians cannot do without (apart from their great wealth and privilege) is the following:
The Acoustician: Who makes sure that comments not meant for the voters ears are not picked up on the House of Commons microphones.
The Arithmetician: Who makes sure that expense claim forms are so complicated that it gives a way put for the MPs to plead ignorance when caught fiddling.
The Cliometrician: Who guides the MPs in ways to present financial figures so that no one understands them.
The Diagnostician: A person who diagnoses, medical and mental conditions. This enables MPs to tell blatant lies and not feel ill or guilty afterwards.
The Dietician: Who advises on the availability of caviare, champagne, and how to get them free on expenses.
The Electrician: Used to fit security devices, CCTV, plasma TVs, Solar heating etc. in MPs houses.
The Logician: Always available, but rarely used nowadays.
The Magician, Nick Clegg: who has proved he can magic away his party in an instant! Always available for MPs to laugh at when the House is sitting.
The Mathematician: In attendance to show MPs how to add up their expenses, reaching a 400% higher total than should be.
The Optician: Used to see things others missed. (Imprisoned in 2002)
The Paediatrician: Available 24/7 to tend to Mps when their party lose a vote, changing their nappies, and dipping their dummies, in Marmite or Honey.
The Patrician: Advises MPs on Off-shore investments etc.
The Phonetician: Advises MPs on which voice to lie with.
The Semeiotician: Advises MPs on which voice to lie with to foreign Nations.
The Rhetorician: Not used since 1895.
The Statistician: Offers advice on presenting financially misleading statements and daffynition.
The Technician: Explains why it is best for MPs to avoid rescission.
The Theoretician: Lie creator to the Government, also advises against sedition.
The Mortician: The only '...ician' in Parliament that gets Christmas cards, and thanks from the voters.
