Written by Dirty Milk

Sunday, 31 July 2011

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The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Day Centre admission charges are to be introduced at Den Bundle Day Centre in Gants Hill.

you will be asked to pay a fee of £100 per day just to attend.

Not only that, dinner money is also to go up at this centre, rising from £5 to £50.

Other charges to be introduced are a fee of 50p just to get a glass of water from the tap, and £3 just to make yourself a a cup of tea.

You will also be obliged to pay £2 everytime you go to the toilet.

Even reading a newspaper won't be free anymore at this centre, for everytime you read the newspaper you will be charged £1 by the manager who's in charge.

Tea money is also to be introduced everytime you go to the sink and make yourself a cup of tea.

Even sitting on the settee and armchairs will cost you something, for everytime you sit down on the chair you will be charged £1.40.

it would be better to stand rather than to sit for it could save you money.

Another rule being introduced is a compulsory log in and log out system which means that in order to leave the centre you will have to sign your name, sex and how tall you are.

Not only that, you will also have to pay a fee just to leave the centre when hometime comes otherwise you will have stay overnight at the day centre, which means that your next of kin would have to come and collect you and pay your exit fee.

The exit fee is £4.50, just till knock off in the afternoon.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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