Dear Flabby:
I am a 20-something former mother of 1. I am on trial for murder, and while I kinda love my mother, she really screwed up my chance of tricking the jury into letting me go.
My mother took the stand during my trial, and lied about searching for certain poisons on her computer. (It really was me who did it. LOL!)
The trouble is, she's a shitty liar: Fuck, it would've been more believable if she claimed to be Santa Claus.
Now I am afraid that her lie is going to get me convicted.
What do I do, Dear Flabby? My life is on the line.
Signed,
Fucked In Florida.
Dear Fucked:
What thefuck is wrong with you? My intuition is that the jury is going to recognize your mother's actions as a noble but misguided attempt to save you.
What will get you convicted is the fact that you killed your daughter and left her to rot in your trunk for a fucking month, you monster.
A greater concern is how it is gonna feel when you're strapped into the electric chair. Spark up, bitch.
Thanks for writing,
FLABBY.
