Be kind to criminals, kick a cop

Funny story written by Nae mair crap

Wednesday, 18 May 2011


The funny story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for Be kind to criminals, kick a cop
so you gave her the silent treatment,?

Theresa May, UK, Home Secretary finished her speech to the Police Federation in Bournemouth by telling the federation: 'You are the finest police officers in the world and I trust you to get the job done.'

She could have added, "but I'm still taking £4000 off your salary this year, despite telling you for months that this Government would not make cuts in Police Budgets."

No one applauded and she was left to walk off the stage to complete silence.

Mr Paul McKeever, federation chairman, told her, "Police can smell unfairness. Home Secretary, this stinks."

As she headed back to London, in her chauffeur driven car, Mrs May, her face hitting the deck, dreaded the reception awaiting her at Downing Street.

She need not have worried.

Ken Clarke had rubbished rape victims, Tory backbanchers called their partners in crime, the LibDems, "yellow bastards" and cheered their embattled Health Secretary, Andrew Lansley to the rafters.

Call me Dave, meanwhile, jetted off to Dublin for dinner with the Queen, mouthing, "I'm not rescuing those useless ministers tonight, I'm sick having to step in their shit and cleaning it all up for them."

Times are hard, Dave, someone has to pay the fee.

Which leaves us to ponder MillibandE? Can he score from an open goal and all the defenders upfield this time? I wouldn't bet on it.

But no one applauded, by sharp contrast to federation chairman Paul McKeever, who received a standing ovation after criticising the £1billion cutbacks.

'We appear to have a Home Office policy that can be defined as "be kind to criminals, kick a cop",' he said. 'Police can smell unfairness. Home secretary, this stinks.'

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more