Written by Joe Kerr

Monday, 28 February 2011


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Ron wished he'd had right of veto over casting

Hartley Matters

Nina Hartley, much respected veteran adult film coochie who featured prominently in the 1997 Academy Award Nominated film 'Boogie Nights' is currently indisposed with a sore throat.

"I don't know how I got it" she croaked. "It means I haven't been in a position to take any big parts recently." Get well soon, Mrs H; we hope you'll be on your back in no time.

The Member Standing……

Casting is rumoured to be underway for the forthcoming surreal bio-pic of legendary porn star and burlesque comic, Ron Jeremy. Highly self-regarded British ex-Home Secretary David Blunkett is thought to have auditioned for the important part of Ron. The less important parts of Ron will be portrayed by bit players.

Like many politicians, David has a huge ego. When responsible for the nation's internal security he managed to be in and on the job at he same time; seducing his mate's wife and even going to court to claim paternity when she became pregnant! What a stand up guy: what an ego. It wasn't his, by the way: what a let down.

His former colleague and antagonist, MP Jerry Manders, was keen to stress he wasn't on expenses when he gave us his opinion coming out of the Spearmint Wino Club yesterday afternoon. "There are a fair number of mediocre dickheads in British politics but I wouldn't describe Dave as mediocre", he smirked. "I think he's made for the part; he could do it with his eyes shut."

We know.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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