Written by Erskin Quint

Sunday, 6 February 2011

image for Portugese Water Dog Takes Spoof Chart By Storm
Plucky Underdog Or Canine Charlatan: It's Quite A Haul For A Portugese Water Dog

A Portugese Water Dog is launching an all-out assault on the Top Writers Chart of World Bestriding Satire Site The Spoof!

Portugese Water Dogs are usually to be discovered riding shotgun on Portugese Trawlers, or ploughing through the coastal waters of the eponymous non-Spanish Iberian nation with a long history of marine adventuring, ie piracy (no, it's not England either) in their customary fish-herding functionality which is very helpful to their fishermen masters and in which their webbed toes usually prove most efficacious. I say usually, because I know of at least two occasions when the webbed toes became a hindrance, as they became clogged with mud and sand, but those were cases where the fishing boats had strayed too close to land, so they might be regarded, by open-minded judges, as exceptions to the "webbed feet are a great asset in a Portugese Water Dog" rule.

The Portugese Water Dog in question, however, far from enduring clogged toes in controversial rule exception fish-herding activities, is causing a tsunami of his own in the satirical literary littoral landscape.

Yes, SpottedDick - for it is he - is making waves in the world of The Spoof!

Questions have been raised in the Spoof! Parliament or Writers Forum by some of the top Spoof! Writers themselves about SpottedDick's credentials because of the way that he has shot up the Writers Chart faster than a deckload of writhing mackerel by only writing the one story about a famous Portugese horse mackerel that predicts the lottery numbers at the same time every year.

There has been wailing and gnashing of virtual teeth, and keyboard consternation among established writers of silly things about this invasion.

Many have questioned the ability of a Portugese Water Dog to utilise a keyboard, and many are those who have argued that webbed toes, as well as being prone to sand and mud clogging issues, could also hardly be said to be keyboard friendly.

One theory about the points-herding haul of SpottedDick, is that he has been trained by a wily illiterate traditional fisherman from the Algarve named Jose to sit at a computer and keep pressing the button that tweets the horse mackerel story out on Twitter (webbed toes being a positive asset in repetitive pressing behaviours, despite their possession being inimical to the kinds of complex tappings - often compared to the complexity of tappings needed to perform Betthoven's Hammerklavier Sonata - needed to write the complicated genius-like silly things that usually garner lots of Spoof! points).

Some writers remain cautious, however.

Perkin Quintrell, an eccentric English eccentric commented yesterday:

"I shall henceforth write only for the Magazine. I hereby eschew the tawdry trials of the ego excesses of the mainstream. It is immaterial to me, as I pursue the higher art of writing drivel, what happens with regard to the power struggles in the Main Chart. Drivel must prevail. Seriousness is silly and silliness is serious.

"Indeed, I look forward to the days when Narwhals and Pangolins dominate the Top Twenty, provided, of course that they achieve it through creative integrity rather than cynically manipulative charlatanism."

Meanwhile, Spoof! veteran PricklyCustomer spoke for many when he opined:

"F****** h***! F****** Baffoons are taking over! I'm F****** Outa Here Baby!!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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