Free Legal Advice from Supreme Court Justice Scalia

Funny story written by UWGB-Beek

Thursday, 2 December 2010

Dear Supreme Court Justice Scalia,

I recently got a got busted at an underage drinking party, do I have any chance of getting the charges dropped?

--Dumb Ass

Dear Dumb Ass,

The framers of the Constitution didn't have your best intentions when they came up with laws that violate your rights as a child, but since you old enough to know that underage drinking means a chance of paying fines--just pay the fines.

Dear Supreme Court Justice Scalia,

I recently lost a lot of money in the stock market, and I my broker from Morgan Stanley knew the information he was using was false. Can I sue him?


Dear Whiner,

You took a risk by hiring the fool. I bet you liked all the money you were making before your portfolio took a hit. The framers of the Constitution believed large corporations had the right to do what they wanted, and shouldn't be held responsible for mistakes you buy into.

Dear Supreme Court Justice Scalia,

I want to get out of my lease on my Chevy Aveo that doesn't want to keep running. The dealership claim that there is nothing wrong with the car.


Dear Unlucky,

The car probably is fine and you just don't understand the workings of a internal combustion engine. Chevy only makes good cars, as you can see by the governments willingness to take over the company. The framers of the Constitution wanted large companies to be protected from deceitful people like you. I suggest you keep the car and use public transportation if you still think your car isn't running like you think it should.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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