Many people these days think that the term 'mad' can be used to describe someone that acts oddly, or unnaturally, or even in a way which is sometimes seen by others as funny, but the dictionary definition of 'mad' is somewhat different, and nothing whatsoever to laugh at.
The Merriam-Webster dictionary describes it thusly:
disordered in mind: INSANE
and that, I think, sums it up nicely.
Some of those reading this article will now have realised that their own behaviour, possibly previously described as 'mad', is merely slightly quirky, weird or cranky, and that they have several stages to complete before they achieve true 'madness'.
For those still not sure, though, here's Monkey Woods' quick and easy-to-follow test which should go some way to helping you to decipher if you are just a bit daft or a fully-fledged nutter.
After completing the test, go to the self-evaluation section at the bottom, and remember, honesty is always the best policy!
Madness Test
1. You are standing at the bus stop. A lady next to you asks if the number 36 has already been and gone. Do you:
a) tell her that you aren't sure?
b) tell her that you aren't sure, even though you know it came just before she arrived?
c) tell her that, if she is so impatient that she has to ask you this question, it's about time she started getting taxis?
d) blow a raspberry?
2. You are in a long queue to buy some cigarettes at your local newsagent. Do you:
a) wait patiently, like someone 'normal'?
b) start shaking your head, tutting, and muttering to yourself about the 'slow service'?
c) open the cigarettes, light one and start smoking it?
d) open the cigarettes, light one up, smoke it until the assistant is ready to serve you, then stub it out on her face, and run from the shop without paying?
3. You are sitting at the front of a packed bus. A young mother with three children and a baby clambers aboard with her pram, and looks around - in vain - for a seat. Do you:
a) offer her your seat with a pleasant smile?
b) offer her your seat begrudgingly, and only after other elderly passengers have given you long admonishing stares?
c) offer her your seat, but secretly wish she were dead?
d) tell her to stand up with her 'brood', that she shouldn't have so many kids if she can't put up with standing on buses, and that your grandfather didn't fight in the Second World War so that the likes of her could 'commandeer' a bus seat from an upright citizen such as you?
4. You are on a train, but, due to having been in a rush, you haven't yet bought a ticket to travel. Now, the ticket inspector wants to see your ticket. Do you:
a) explain the situation politely and in a calm manner, whilst reaching for your wallet?
b) explain the situation whilst looking over his shoulder for the best means of escape?
c) tell him to fuck off, and that the prices of train tickets have risen year-on-year for decades without any noticeable improvement in services, punctuality of trains, on-board facilities or general cleanliness, then punch him in the face?
d) as option c), then use the head of the passenger sat opposite you to smash the window, and then jump out of it onto the tracks whilst the train is travelling at around 60kph?
Conclusively confirming 'madness' can be difficult, but if you have answered 'c' to any of the questions, you should have a word with your family doctor. If you have, though, answered 'd' to any of the questions, you should undoubtedly 'have a word with yourself' - you are completely apeshit.
