KEYPORT, NJ --- A 43-year-old man and his 29-year-old wife were ridiculed relentlessly by their children, ages 4, 3 and 2, because both were reticent about entering the attic of their new home without a flashlight and a semi-automatic weapon.
"These old houses are spooky," stated Nicole Rosania, who managed to enter the attic alone after some chiding by her oldest daughter, who begins kindergarten on Tuesday. "But at least I went up there."
"I went up there, thankyouverymuch," retorted Anthony, the girls' father.* "But that weird, 'Amityville Horror' window up there kinda weirds me out."
"I think my Dad is a chicken," said 2-year-old Gabriella who, in all fairness, still sh-ts in a diaper, and therefore has NO right to criticize anyone else. "He used a flashlight to go in the attic. Mommy went up in the dark."
"That's because Mommy is tougher than Daddy," said almost-5-year-old Miel, who is so f--king grounded. "Mommy is brave."
"Look, I thought going up in the attic with certain precautions was reasonable and prudent," concluded Anthony, while switching on every light in the attic by reaching the light switches with a broom handle. "It had nothing to do with fear."
*Not the 29-year-old, although he's technically old enough to be.