The FTC announced today that they are banning all drug ads that deal with bodily functions and mental conditions. A spokesman commenting on the ban made the following statement, "When we saw the catheter ads, we thought, enough is enough. It has gone too far! Not only are the ads offensive, they are, in fact, misleading. In our research, we found the side effects of these various drugs sickened and/or killed more people than they helped."
He continued, "We also found the ED (erectile dysfunction) ads totally false. In warnings of the possibility of a four-hour erection, we found not one instance of this occurring. Instead,it was a cheap advertising gimmick, done simply to attract more customers including the young who do not need the drug. "Just wanted to see if I could make prom night an all-nighter," said one student. "Besides," he added, "didn't do much better for me than window peeping at the assisted living center."
In related news, Ad agencies and the industry were caught by surprise and were quickly formulating plans to reach the market with other products. The alcohol and tobacco companies joined forces with the drug companies to advertise in high school year books, AARP, teen magazines, and church bulletins. "The FTC won't have corporate America to kick around any longer," said a spokesman. As TV networks scramble for new advertisers, internal memos indicate they are now accepting ads from porn sites, escort services, S & M dating services, and un-regulated puppy mills.
As dozens of ad agencies and hundreds of actors have been left without work, a reporter caught up with the attractive actress that made the Gas, Bloating, Diarrhea commercials. "How do you feel about this," he asked. "Well," she replied, "it was a great gig, and the money was terrific, but to tell you the truth, I am tired of being the Face of Flatulence in America. Besides, it was hell on my social life. I have had only one date in the last year and it was with the kid that did the Eczema commercials. Yuck!"
