Gordon Brown, Sex Machine or Raving Pervert?

Written by Stevey G.

Friday, 9 July 2010


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Gordon Brown. Had 'sex dungeon' constructed below Number 10.

' I enjoy sex as much as the next man, or indeed woman.'

These opening words seem strange coming from ex- Prime Minister, Gordon Brown. Yet, Gordon (as he insists I call him), seems relaxed discussing his sexuality, which is to feature heavily in his new book, due out later this year.

We are more used to Gordon Brown tinkering with the economy and so initially I had expected him to be reserved when discussing his tinkering in the 'bedroom department'.

' I suppose it was Bill Clinton that first encouraged me to experiment sexually', he continued. 'Bill confessed to me that when he was President, he often used to wear women's underwear under his business suit. The more important the meeting, the more bizarre the undergarments. Apparantly he met with Putin on more than one occasion wearing a peep-hole bra and crotch-less knickers beneath his suit. He said that it started as a bit of a laugh, but that he began to find it strangely erotic, empowering even. Of course poor Bill continued experimenting in other areas and the rest, as they say, is history.'

'I was a little more discreet' Gordon confides, 'Of course there were those in my inner circle that knew, Peter (Mandelson) often had to help me into a particulary tight basque or corset before an important Cabinet meeting or Prime Minister's question time and I have spent many a happy hour chasing a naked Harriet Harman around my office with a riding crop'.

Gordon is equally as experimental at home. 'Sarah says that she endures, rather than enjoys participating in my fantasies', he says, 'but I'm sure that she's only teasing.'

Gordon's new book will reveal a secret life of sordid sex games behind the doors of Westminster, of bondage and S&M parties in Gordon's office and of the nuclear shelter in the basement of Number 10 that was converted to a ' sex dungeon' at the tax-payer's expense.

There are some cynics that argue that Gordon Brown is simply trying to escape from the political wilderness. After all, the revelation of John
Major's affair with Edwina Currie did him no real harm and there are
others that argue that the notoriety will not adversely effect book sales or
speaking assignments.

However, there are others that argue that Gordon Brown is a spent-force politically, and no amount of wild and saucy sex revelations will change that.

Gordon appears philosophical. 'What will be will be', he says, ' I just want to concentrate on finishing my book.'

I, on the other hand, simply want to concentrate on not forming a mental picture of a sweating and salivating Gordon Brown, clad in stockings, suspenders and a rubber gimp mask, chasing a naked Harriet Harman around his office, whilst thrashing her bare buttocks with a riding crop.

Not as easy as you'd hope is it?

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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