Written by MonkeyInTheBath

Saturday, 30 January 2010

image for A Day in Soviet Gribblethorpe
Communism - it works. No really!

This week I had the rather dubious pleasure of visiting Soviet Gribblethorpe, a northern ex-mining town previously known as Gribblethorpe. It changed its name about a year ago after locals elected Communist councillors, who promptly decided to change the way the whole community was run.

Private property was confiscated, all industry was "collectivised", and the world watched to see if the experiment worked.

The local butcher, John Smith, told me about how it had affected his life. "It all started ok. The day after they abolished private property, a man came into my shop and took the TV. I was going to complain to him but then I realised that all property is collectively owned, so I went to my neighbour and took his TV instead."

"Then some people moved into my living room, which was annoying at first, but of course then I realised that technically I didn't own my house any more, so these people were entitled to live there if they wanted. So I went to a mansion up the road and moved in there instead. It was a bit busy but I manage to find some floor space to sleep most nights."

"Business hasn't been good either. I still get animals delivered for slaughter, but I can't pay the farmers who deliver them because I don't have any money. I tell them that the council will deal with it, they control everything now. And of course I do my usual thing, make sausages and ham and all sorts of stuff, and people just walk in and take it if they feel hungry."

"To be honest, I don't see how it's supposed to work. My family have been living off nothing but raw horsemeat for a week, but then I remember that that's what they used to do in Soviet Russia, so it must be ok."

"Would I like to go back to the old capitalist ways? Well yes, actually. At least then I wouldn't live in some scummy 'let's share everything' douchebag hippy trash village."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Communism

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