The USA's achievements since 1776

Written by matwil

Monday, 4 January 2010

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Dumping ground for the world's rejects

Ladies and gentlemen, and Americans, here is the proud list of all the achievements of the mightiest country in the world, the United States of America, since that famous day in 1776 when the greatest nation on Earth was founded:

1. The invention of the ... of ... OK, let's just skip that one.

2. Winning World War One. Without actually joining it for 3 out of its 4 years. That's the American uncowardly way!

3. Winning World War Two in Europe. Without actually joining it for 5 of its 6 years, and then demanding money out of the United Kingdom for finally joining it, the British fought it from 1939-45 and had rationing until the 1950s thanks to not avoiding it.

4. Let's see ... there must be something else.

5. Um, didn't Americans once land on the Moon? Only children would believe in that fairy tale! Oops, Americans believe in it ...

6. Er ...

7. Now come on! Let's kick some ass here and - and, er ... wonder why American troops are in Iraq, a British colony full of oil? No idea.

8. Who says the USA has achieved absolutely nothing in its entire history? Apart from 98% of the world's population, of course

9. Managing to get the entire Muslim world hating you is quite impressive, though, using fake attacks on your own people in New York City and trying to invade Iraq. And failing at it.

10. That's it. Wow. Looks like Americans will have to get the British to design a coloured piece of cloth and write them a national anthem to make them feel safe, like little children. At least the USA is the mightiest - er - country in the world. That can't win wars. Oh well, it's the movies that count ...

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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