Reasons to admire Oliver Cromwell

Funny story written by matwil

Tuesday, 15 December 2009


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image for Reasons to admire Oliver Cromwell
Hair dryers at dawn. If the Bwitish people vote foh it.

1. He is heterosexual

2. He hates Christmas, and had it made illegal in the 1600s

3. He doesn't speak like a pansy

4. Americans hate him - Americans being the very people that the British deported permanently, for being pansies

5. He never dyed his hair, and had his portrait painted 'warts and all'

6. He didn't hang around faghag pop stars

7. He doesn't sound like Kenneth Williams

8. People were genuinely shit-scared of him, just ask Charles Tudor

9. He created a republic, over a hundred years before Americans and French could even spell the word

10. He isn't Simon Cowell

(Place your ginger beer five stars here. Aw, don't the girls lurv the ickle wickle fascist dictator Oliver 'Close De House' Cromwell!)

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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