1. He is heterosexual
2. He hates Christmas, and had it made illegal in the 1600s
3. He doesn't speak like a pansy
4. Americans hate him - Americans being the very people that the British deported permanently, for being pansies
5. He never dyed his hair, and had his portrait painted 'warts and all'
6. He didn't hang around faghag pop stars
7. He doesn't sound like Kenneth Williams
8. People were genuinely shit-scared of him, just ask Charles Tudor
9. He created a republic, over a hundred years before Americans and French could even spell the word
10. He isn't Simon Cowell
(Place your ginger beer five stars here. Aw, don't the girls lurv the ickle wickle fascist dictator Oliver 'Close De House' Cromwell!)
