'A Day In The Life Of An RBOS Chief Executive' by The Backhanders

Funny story written by matwil

Wednesday, 25 November 2009

image for 'A Day In The Life Of An RBOS Chief Executive' by The Backhanders
RBOS chief Sir Hideaway Taxdodger's Edinburgh home

The Grab Four today brought out their new single, which will probably be this year's Christmas number one:

'A Day In The Life Of An RBOS Chief Executive

I read the news today, oh boy
About an RBOS chief who got well paid
And though his bonus wasn't small
Well, I just had to laugh
I want his autograph

He blew his mind out on champagne
He didn't notice that his bank near failed
A crowd of savers wailed and cried
They'd never seen his face before
Nobody was really sure if he'd bought off the Chancellor

I saw a film today, oh boy
The Scottish bankers had just stole your tax
A crowd of savers want their heads
But RBOS never even looked
Having fixed the books

They'd love to rip ... you ... off ...

[1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, £800,000 bonus]

Woke up, in a dream
Where money grows on trees
Found another bonus on my pillow case
Fat cat smile came over my face

Phoned up Cooks, to book a yacht
It's off to the Med for me
Found myself whitewashed in the TV news
Darling covers me, I just can't lose

Ah, ah ah ah
Ah ah ah, [more Bollinger, Fiona] ah ah ah
Ha [just one canape this time], ha ha ha [wonder if the casinos are open? let's go and gamble UK taxpayers' money - again!]
Ha ah ha, ha ha ha

I read the news today, oh boy
Four hundred branches closed in Lancashire
And though there's still holes in the wall
Tellers on the dole
Now the bank's accounts have some holes they can't explain at all

In RBOS au ... di ... ts ...'

(Song ends with all four Backhanders simultaneously hitting the UK taxpayers for more millions)

[Words and music by John Thievin/Paul McPartwithyermoney]

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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