In quotes, the Berlin Wall anniversary

Funny story written by matwil

Tuesday, 10 November 2009

image for In quotes, the Berlin Wall anniversary
Sane Europeans should build another Wall, not celebrate the Berlin one falling

German Chancellor Angela Merkel: 'Today marks a happy day for our beloved Fuhrer's dream of a single-state Europe ruled from Berlin. The Reich lives on! Heil Hitler!'

Former Soviet Union leader Mikhail Gorbachev: 'And we lost 10 million comrades in the War for this? To see the Germans all happy and smiling and richer than ever, while we starve once more? Pah!'

US President Barack Obama: 'September the 30th 1939 will always be remembered and cherished by the USA, seeing as Americans not only refused to fight in World War Two until the British and Russians had already won it, but Americans actually made a profit out of it all!'

'And funded the Nazis and the British at the same time, just in case they wanted to call a truce. Lucky I know nothing about history, or I'd know that rather than being welcome at such events as today's Americans are equally despised by the British, Germans, French and Russians, the guys who actually rule things in Europe. OK, Dick, I'll get off the phone now.'

US Secretary for Travel Hillary Clinton: 'The wall may be down, but, in time, we have to climb that wall in what may exist as a wall in our otherwise walled-in walls of a mind to overcome and we shall, indeed, so do so.'

UK Prime Minister Gordon Brown: 'Thanks for drafting all our laws, Angie, saves Parliament all the bother. Can I go now?'

French President Nicolas Grenouille: 'Espece des cochons Allegmagnes, je detete ... oh, the mike is on. My autocue says 'I am so terribly, terribly happy to see a united Germany, nothing makes the French people happier than the success of our lovable neighbours. Except maybe the success of our beloved friends the English.' What a load of merde!'

Russian Premier Dvladimir Mputin: 'Hi, Obama! If you Americans want any tips on how to win wars, just ask us. And the British. OK, this Wall stuff is pathetic, East Germany was run by Nazis that not even we dared cross, West Germany was run by Nazis that the Americans didn't dare cross - well, the day Americans scare anyone is the day they win a war!'

'And now the reunited Germany is run by - Nazis. Or their Nazi offspring. But I've been bribed to say something about the tragedy that was the Berlin Wall - the tragedy being that it ever came down!'

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu: 'I quite admire the Nazis, actually.'

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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