Differences between Canadians and Americans

Funny story written by matwil

Thursday, 30 July 2009

image for Differences between Canadians and Americans
'Look! American soldiers finally joining in a World War after Canadians have helped win it!'

Americans avoided fighting in two World Wars, and weren't even seen as fighters of any importance by the Germans when Americans finally turned up at the end of both

Canadians fought from first to last in two World Wars, and were highly respected by their German opponents as fighters in both

Americans were conned into WW1 by Churchill ordering the Royal Navy to sink The Lusitania in 1917

Canadians were brave enough to voluntarily fight WW1 from the start in 1914

Americans were conned into fighting WW2 by Franklin Delano Roosevelt, who allowed Pearl Harbor to happen to make sure Americans not only fought Japan but also Germany

Canadians were brave enough to voluntarily fight WW2 from the start in 1939

Americans pretend not to have any British heritage, and refuse to fight any wars Britain asks it to until they've more or less been won without Americans

Canadians choose to remain in the Commonwealth as part of their British heritage, and choose to fight any wars that Britain asks it to quite freely

Americans continued slavery for nearly a hundred years after 'independence', but still blamed it on the British - despite claiming to be independent

Canadians had a tiny number of slaves, and most were freed with no problems long before thousands of Americans in the Confederacy fought in a war to defend slavery

Americans are ruled by imbecilic Presidents, George W Bush not being the worst one by a long way

Canadians rule themselves, and are not ruled by any royal family, any more than Britain is

Americans have yet to learn English properly

Canadians speak perfect English and/or French

Americans didn't invent the telephone, or anything else except for the banjo

Canadians didn't either, but don't claim they did

Americans didn't land on the Moon, but are the only people in the world that believe they did, because it was on TV

Canadians laugh at the Moon landings, along with the rest of the intelligent, scientifically-informed world

Americans believe that Canadians and the rest of the world are interested in America and the Americans nowadays

They aren't

America has lost its way, has been and is fighting pointless colonial wars from Vietnam to Iraq, and is being led into them like sheep in chains by their endless unbelievable Presidents -

the gangster Kennedy, the war criminal Johnson, the liar and crook Nixon, the idiot Carter, the senile Reagan, the drug addicted alcoholic moron George W Bush, and the token foreigner never in America, Barack Obama

Canadians have a respectable head of state, who can't keep them in chains - because Canadians are smart enough to have a constitutional monarchy, and so have no head of state with any power, i.e. they're adults and can rule themselves

Canadians don't have an inferiority complex

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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