'The Adventures of Charles the Royal Bear', by Memory Dawned

Funny story written by Asheville Jack

Tuesday, 28 July 2009


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image for 'The Adventures of Charles the Royal Bear', by Memory Dawned

As darkness fell in dreariest England, people began heading home from their work for their dinners, some on buses and some on trains. But in one railway station in the centre of the city of London, a strange sight could be seen, for sitting all alone on a suitcase was a small royal bear, with a sign saying 'Please look after this royal. Thank you.'

But all the people were so busy heading home that no one stopped to talk too, let alone look after the royal bear. After awhile the royal bear became upset, for he was not accustomed to being ignored. Finally unable to stomach the indignity any longer the royal bear exploded, "What the bleeding hell is the matter you shit holes," said the royal bear, "don't you know who I am? I'm not an common ignorant bear like you. I'm Charles, a royal bear."

Still, no one stopped to talk or look after the royal. "In case you have forgotten, you shitty little twits, my mum is the royal queen bear, and I'm your future royal king bear." With that a nice old man wearing spectacles approached. "Is it true," said the nice old man, " that you truly are a royal bear?"

"Now," thought the royal bear, "this is better. Maybe I can talk this foolish conch into taking me to my royal castle. Besides, I don't know how I ended up down here in this shit hole of a railway station, but it stinks of piss, and I'm afraid of the sounds and shadows here. I need this gullible old fart to take me home."

But before the royal bear could speak, the old man squinted his eyes and asked him a question. "Are you Charles the royal bear of which I have heard so much." Charles the royal bear, pleased that at long last to be recognized and that his strange ordeal might be ending said, "Why yes I am, the one and the same."

The old man said, "I have never met a royal bear before, at least not in person. May I ask you a question if you don't mind, sir." Now Charles the royal bear fidgeted on his suitcase, for as a royal he feared questions more than strange sounds and shadows. "Is it true," said the old man, "that your family became the royals only after eliminating all that opposed them, so that they might become royal? Is it true that you and your family live in the lap of luxury while millions of our country men live in hunger and despair? Tell me the truth," said the old man, "and I will be pleased to look after you. But if you do not tell me the truth I will lift you up and cast you under the wheels of a train."

Now Charles the royal bear fidgeted even more upon his suitcase, for he dared not reveal the truth, but neither was he in a mood to die ignobly this day under the wheels of a passing train.

"You already know the truth", said the bear, "but you're afraid to speak it out loud. For if you acknowledged the truth you would be forced to take responsibility for your own life. You look to us for courage in troubled times, yet we are no more courageous than you. You look to us for wisdom, yet we are no more wise than you. Once, a long time ago, we were a great nation and you had need of us. But no more. I'm surprised you haven't burnt down our castles and thrown us into the sea, as other nations have. Tell me old man," said the royal bear, "is that truth enough for you?"

The old man gently lifted up the royal bear, and looking him in the eyes said, "For Christ's sake simmer down. I was only teasing about tossing you under the train"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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