Secret transcript of Hazel Blears's lie detector test

Funny story written by matwil

Monday, 18 May 2009

image for Secret transcript of Hazel Blears's lie detector test
'Better adjust the bell, gonna be ringing a lot with Hazel in the chair'

A transcript of a lie detector machine test on Secretary of Something or Other Hazel Blears MP was today leaked to the Daily Torygraph, and this is the transcript of the test:

MI5 Officer: Are you Hazel Blears MP?

Hazel Blears: Although mistakes were made with my name, at no time did my parents break any rules by calling me that, to wit, name

Officer: Please just answer 'yes' or 'no'
Officer: Have you knowingly made false expenses claims for your job as an MP?

Blears: No [Bell rings loudly, like fire alarm]

Officer: Were those claims simply for personal luxury goods and services?

Blears: Well -

Officer: Yes or no, please

Blears: No [Bell rings]

Officer: Are you the world champion at underwater cello playing?

Blears: No [Silence]

Officer: Did you make a nice big profit by selling a flat that was bought with public money?

Blears: No [Bell]

Officer: Would you have admitted you did that, if you hadn't been caught doing it

Blears: Yes [Bell]

Officer: Would you have paid the capital gains tax back if you hadn't been caught avoiding it?

Blears: Yes [Bell]

Officer: Will you still be an MP after the next general Election?

Blears: Yes [Bell]

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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