The penniless entertainer entered middle stage to echoing, rapturous applause from the three paying spectators, his mum, his granny and his flea-bitten, mingy dog, who had dared to enter the empty theatre and even pay for the premier of this unknown celebrity.
Shaking and crapping in his pants, the unknown actor begun his one-man show, attempting to convince his spectators of the hidden genius bottled up in his warped, black humoured mind; he had been waiting for this moment to arrive for all of his life.
The "crowd" applauded (and barked) at every quip, joke, outrageous statement, spastic gesture, moon walks and facial disfigurements, "a hell of a show" they thought, in deep sympathy.
The empty seats did not deter the actor completing his 45 minute one man show as the lights dimmed to an enthusiastic crescendo of applause, barking and tail wagging, which echoed in a complete circular direction and smacked the lonesome actor between the balls whilst taking his final bow, OUCH he cried!
The crowd retired, lights faded, the mask covering the actor's face gradually disappeared and loneliness reappeared as he exited his desolate, subterranean, very damp changing room only to be greeted in the empty foyer, by the alcoholic, fag smoking, unshaven, unscrupulous theatre owner and his three devoted fans. Hugs and wet doggy kisses were issued, as a single tear drifted slowly down the make-up-less cheek of a new born star feeling so proud, to have trodden the boards and succeeded in the eyes of his devoted fans, Mum. Grandma, and his shabby flea bitten, mongrel dog called; A Streetcar named Desire.
The only way is up and this is my Premiere, thank you for this Spoof (literally) Jaggedone.
