Written by Aspartame Boy

Friday, 5 December 2008

image for Dr. Verner Von Vass Historical Documents Found
"Fifty-Fifty you stinking Yankee.. don't forget it."

ESPAGARDA, Denmark - Dr. Verner Von Vass was killed in World War II. However, a key aspect of his NAZI weapons program has come to light with a discovery in the Espagarda Library, near the train station. This exclusive interview with Ms. Furbootenass, Librarian, gives all the details of an as yet unknown chemical weapon.

"Ms. Furbootenass, how did you discover these long lost documents?"

"I was digging out some Earth near the corner of the property when I discovered a buried brief case. It was locked, but I forced it open."

"What did you find inside?"

"It was some papers in German language, hard for me to read, but I translated it with help from my German friends"

"What was in the papers?"

"It was the formula for a chemical weapon and pictures of people that had been exposed to it. It was quite graphic. Stacks of bodies piled on top of each other; people who looked like they were starved to death."

"Was it Zyclon B?"

"No, the chemical formula was in the papers. I don't know what it is."

"Was it like a mustard gas?"

"No, and you only have 15 questions left, you idiot. Shut up and let me tell you."

"OK, sorry." At this point I just wanted to go home.

"So the chemical formula is L-aspartyl-L-phenylalanine methyl ester. There was a vial with a white powder, so labeled. So, I reached in and tasted it. It tasted about 200 times sweeter than sugar. The papers said it was very toxic, but it did not kill me. However, I can't account for about a week after I discovered this powder."

"I tell you what. I have some friends at the FDA in USA. I can sell this to the soda companies and make a fortune. Want to go 50/50 with me?"

"Sure! Hey, then people will buy it. Sure beats having to buy Zyclon B!"

The rest is history. It was a great success story.

One of the toxic effects later confirmed in the report "Mitotic segregation induced by edulcorant l-aspartyl-l-phenylalanine-metyl-ester (aspartame) in diploid cells of Aspergillus nidulans", light reading for this crowd.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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