Interview with Robert Mugabe

Funny story written by alfred norton

Thursday, 3 July 2008

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(Zimbabwe News Bureau) ZNB news media is delighted for the opportunity for being the only news agency to have a personal interview with his Excellency, Robert Mugabe. We had also the chance to grace the most beautiful house ever built in the history of Asia and Africa the Mugabes Estate Residence (MER), which for some time its existence was denied to the public, frankly to tell you, we were restricted to tell you its existence, we were bonded to a legal paper but thankfully the writ and the Zimbabwe Supreme Court's power was lifted by his Excellency himself just before the day of election, therefore it is safe to say that the illegalness of violating the contract is legal.

Mugabe dubbed as "the greatest man who ever lived on the face of the blemishless planet," for being able to deal with many problems coming from east, west, north and south, up and down, back to front, and since from his difficult freestyle swim during conception to becoming the clown of the class who ever made them frowned until to the protests of ousting him from holding the office of the president, he has overcome them all. Mugabe has surpassed all the challenges life has given, the latest testament for that is the victory he reaped from the recent election over Tschangirai. The election recognized all over the world for being immaculate and flawless, as an evidence are five armies who guards ballot boxes in every stations, now, even the purest logic cannot comprehend the secureness that Mugabe has provided to ensure the Democrazy of his country.

ZNB didn't beat around the bushes in Mugabes Estate Residence because it was too beautiful to beat at, so we proceed directly to the point. We were given only 30 minutes by the Press Relation Officer.

ZNB: Blameless and outstanding in every way, we are very, and very much honored to interview you, your Excellency.

Mugabe: Ahemm… Arghhhh… (Choked), yoor welcum, uhmm… (took water to drink, and posed himself)

ZNB: Your excellency, you are very much known for being a selfless person, you devout your time in serving the public, at your age today and the wealth you have accumulated why not spend your time in vacation instead of serving the public?

Mugabe: I luv Zimbabwe viry much, I hav sin sumthing in Zimbabwe dat aders didnut, and I hav tu unlesh its potinteals.

(I love Zimbabwe very much, I have seen something in Zimbabwe that others didn't, and I have to unleash its potentials.)

ZNB: What could that be?

Mugabe: Ahm… da… you knuw, da natural resurces, lyk the cuper and guld, I hav to coltivit it, its da tresur of our cuntry, its olso poor the people welfer.

(Uhm… the… you know, the natural resources, like copper and gold, I have to cultivate it, it's the treasure of our country, its also for the people's welfare.)

ZNB: No doubt that the people love you very much.

Mugabe: buy the people vots I won da eliction, it onli shos dat ther are mini pepol who suports me.

(By the people's votes I won the election, it only shows that there are many people who supports me.)

ZNB: Everybody has seen that, you have won the recent election by a very huge vote difference. Your Excellency, leaders of other countries are skeptical of the democratic process going on here in Zimbabwe, what can you say about that?

Mugabe: Wel, I dont rele giv a damn about dat, our goverment is off the people, da soverignty stihl resides in dem.

(Well, I don't really give a damn about that, our government is of the people, the sovereignty still resides in them.)

ZNB: We really see that you take care very much of your government. Let me ask you something about the recent World Food Conference. How did you feel about the avoidance of other leaders on welcoming you when you arrived at the conference?

Mugabe: I was a litil bit downd, I confind myself in da hotel we wer in latir dat day. Wod yo mind ask me anoder questeon?

(I was a little bit downed, I confined myself in the hotel where we were in later that day. Would you mind ask me another question? )

ZNB: I'm very sorry for that you feel a little bit uncomfortable. About Zimbabwe as the food basket of… (Interrupted)

Press Relation Officer: I'm very sorry Sir, but your time for the interview has already expired.

ZNB: Uhmm… We are very thankful of you Mr. President for taking time with us for this interview.

Mugabe: I am viry plessed too. About da fud basket, its in our kitchin. (Shook hands and went to his room.)

(I am very pleased too, About the food basket, its in our kitchen.)

We had a great time with his Excellency, Mr. President Robert Mugabe for spending time with us.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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