Papa Panzer: Part Two: The Birth Control Controversy

Written by Pointer

Sunday, 20 April 2008


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image for Papa Panzer: Part Two: The Birth Control Controversy
Papa Panzer is proud when his liebchen frollock in the Red Sea

After the abortion segment of our interview with the one true pope of the one true church, the Panzer Pontiff agreed to answer our questions about the subject of artificial contraception:

Reporter #1 : Isn't it true that the church could limit abortions by promoting artificial contraception? Surely the prevention of death is more important than the naturalness of the sex act?

Papa Panzer: So some may think. But the reliance on artificial contraception creates a contraceptive mentality. Thus when the particular means of so called birth control fails these couples panic a run to the abortionist faster than a priest at an altar boy convention...ja,ja, a little pretzel of Germanic humor, ja,ja.

Reporter #2: That may have some truth to it, o one true vestige of Christ on earth. But since many contraceptives are nearly fool proof today shouldn't that nullify your argument?

Victual of Christ on earth: Ah zoo, but the mentality argument is just the beginning of what God told Jesus and Jesus told me about scumbags and the like. Every act of intercourse must be open to the transmission of life! Otherwise you might as well be spanking the monkey or petting the pussy the way good priests, brothers and nuns do to avoid adding to our colossal lawsuit damages.

Reporter #3: But biologists tell us that the great majority of the month the human body is not "open to the transmission of life". In fact your one true ethical method of natural family planning takes advantage of that fact. Are NFP couples truly open to life when they avoid each other like the plague during fertile times?

Pope Benedict the Only: O ye of little you have any idea how many liebchen Catholics we have added to the flock because of unreliability of NFP. Sex is not the only way to show love. Suffering also can show love and besides I hear that after 7 days and nights of NFP abstinence, that good obedient Catholic couples fuck like Easter bunnies. You know, unlike the heathen Jew, we allow sex during the menstrual period(we call it swimming the Red Sea) and all that bloody lubrication, Gott in Himmel, I love it! ... I love to HEAR how much they love it! Makes me a proud Papa, you know?

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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