There are two moments that are guaranteed every year. One, is some politician/celebrity doing or saying something which is completely stupid, asinine, idiotic, mindless or moronic. The other, is New Year's Resolutions by some politician/celebrity which are absurd, ludicrous, inane, ridiculous or foolish.
Here then are the nutty, preposterous, imbecilic, puerile and meaningless Resolutions for 2008, the year of the mouse.
- I will always lift the toilet seat when I use a public bathroom
- ~Senator Larry Craig
I will stop shaving my head and keep my vajayjay covered
- ~Britney Spears
I will stop wearing Post-it Notes in public
- ~Michael Jackson
I will watch "Weekend at Bernie's" with Fidel
- ~Hugo Chavez
I will stop shaving my legs and find out what a vajayjay's for
- ~Jamie Lyn Spears
I will only drink grande rattes
- ~Heather Mills
I will never date another showgirl
- ~HRH
I will shave my legs and open my vajayjay for another role model child
- ~Lynne Spears
I will play "Stairway to Heaven" on my air guitar with Pope Benedict XVI
- ~Tony Blair
I will kick Bill's ass if he ever buys me a red dress
- ~Senator Hillary Clinton
I will be a Nutter like the Mayor of Philadelphia
- ~Prime Minister Kevin Rudd of Australia
I will kick somene's ass if he doesn't buy me a red dress
- ~Eddie Izzard
I will bend it again in LA
- ~David Beckham
I will learn the Hokey Pokey
- ~George W. Bush
I will train my Chia Pet to use the litter box
- ~Kim Jong-il
I will change the image of my country from being the land of the loonie
- ~Prime Minister Stephen Harper of Canada
I will shave my mustache so people won't think I'm a Hitler sympathizer
- ~Will Smith
I will have a reunion with my half brother/half sister, RuPaul
- ~Ron Paul
I will find a woman, who eats meat, drinks milk, wears fur and can stand on her own two feet
- ~Paul McCartney
Happy New Year Mickey, Minnie, Mighty, Itchy, Tom and Jerry -- it's your year!
