Truth in Clinton's "Is' is Uncovered

Funny story written by Mengo

Thursday, 1 November 2007

image for Truth in Clinton's "Is' is Uncovered
Bill Clinton

Thanks to the Freedom of Information Act, hidden sections in the transcripts from the testimony of President William Jefferson Clinton during his appearance in 1998 before the Grand Jury have been uncovered. This particular excerpt shed a lot of light:

Clinton: It depends on what the meaning of the word "is" is. If the-if he-if "is" means is and never has been, that is not-that is one thing. If it means there is none, that was a completely true statement… Now, if someone had asked me on that day, are you having sexual relations with Ms Lewinsky, that is, asked me a question in the present tense, I would have said no. And it would have been completely true.

Judge: The grand jury would like you to explain yourself. What is "is?"

Clinton: "Is" can indicate a place, as in "He is here." It could indicate an occurrence, "The hearing is taking place."

J: Continue.

C: "Is" could be implied in a sentence, like Shakespeare's "To be or not to be," or by Star Wars' "May the force be with you."

J: I'm listening.

C: Good one your honor.

J: Thank you.

C: It could be used as a copula to connect a subject and predicate: Bill is president. Or as a copula to introduce or form interrogative: Is he serious?

J: The Grand Jury would like you to refrain from using the dictionary.

C: My apologies. "Is" can be contracted to become part of a word, "It's now getting ridiculous."
J: If I follow you, "is" can be implied or become part of a word?

C: Yes.

J: As in "Miss?"

C: No.

J: "Please?"

C: No.

J: "Grease?"

C: No "is."

J: "Knees?"

C: No.

J: "Jiz?"

C: With all due respect…

J: "Dismissed?"

C: Thank you.

With that, President Clinton got up and left. Almost 9 years later, the Grand Jury is unsure whether the President walked out or was actually dismissed.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more