The Guardian's spell checker.
Peter Andre's sense of shame - in a spray on tan.
Boris Johnson's dictionary.
Baby food tablets.
The noiseless baby rattle.
The hands-free glove and mitten set.
Homeless homing pigeons.
Second-hand notebooks.
Seconds hands for digital watches.
The six month old Grandfather clock.
Werther's originals version 5.
The sit down stand up comedian.
The non standard lamp.
The occasional table that is always a chair.
Carpet tiles for ceilings.
Curtains for Windows 95.
I can't believe it's not butter, buttered popcorn.
The broken hoover that really sucks.
The Enthusiastic exclamation mark.
Earmuffs for mutes.
Michael Winner in an inner tube.
The balloon that is already deflated.
Nets with the holes removed.
Removal vans for air.
Water in a bottle.
A Message in a bottle, written on air.
Your empty promises fulfilled.
Your empty promises fulfilled (Deluxe politician version).
Cat flapjacks.
The picture of Dorian Gray screensaver.
Mein Kampf - by Jade Goody.
The fourth edition of Geri Halliwell's biography, in a remainder bin near you soon.
An educational certificate in 12 point tapestry.
Keith Chegwin's guide to public nudity.
Channel 5.
Wireless Television - it never works.
Life certificate.
Beach balls adapted for use on sandpaper.
