Dear Mars; An Angry Letter

Funny story written by Jaffa Forbes

Monday, 3 September 2007

I'm sure some of you will of picked up on this crazy term, 'Funsize' and were outraged by it. The following is a draft letter to Mars.

Dear Mars,

Needless to say, I am offended, indeed - outraged - that you persist in naming small versions of your chocolate bars and confectionary 'funsize'. If Mars is out of this world, then you're also out of your mind.

What exactly, I ask, is 'Fun' about a tiny chocolate bar that does nothing to fill you up and leaves you unsatisfied and craving for more?

What is 'Fun' about only 3 Maltesers in a pack, or a Milky Way the size of a neutron in an atom?

Likewise, recently I purchased some 'fun' sized fruit from my local grocery store. I must say, it was the worst 15 minutes of my life. Firstly, I grappled with short finger nails at the seemingly bomb proof orange peel, before being made disappointed at the juicy insides when the majority was full of hazordous pips or pith.

Are you, and all other companies using this label, trying to kill us? To starve us? To choke us? Even worse that you are trying to target children who definately won't find premature death fun.

In short, there is nothing fun about funsized products.

Please give up using this term.


Jaffa Forbes


The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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