Lost Tomb of Jesus Christ Special: Secrets REVEALED!

Written by writingguy

Monday, 5 March 2007


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TheSpoof has performed a careful criticism of the Discovery Channel Special "The Lost Tomb of Jesus Christ" to help you sort out the facts.

What The Special Says: In 1980 there were aramaic markings found on a group of ossuaries including, "Jesus, son of Joseph", "Mary Magdalene", and the ever forgotten brother "Matthew".

What Actually Happened: All of the markings were done in Sharpie, in english, and read: "Jesus, uber pimp supreme", "His ho'in wife", "Jermaine", and "Tito".

What The Special Says: The bones of Mary Magdalene and Jesus are not brother and sister, therefore they must be married.

What Actually Happened: We spoke to Frank Pelligrino, an archaeologist on the subject,

"This is actually a well known scientific fact, whenever 2 people that aren't related are buried within a certain distance of one another we know immediately that they were married, and loved each other, and had a great sex life. It's a scientific fact!"

What The Special Says: When Simcha is at the site of Jesus' tomb, he is visited by a blind woman who helps direct him to the location of the burial.

What Actually Happened: The blind lady directed him to her tomb, which she asked him to enter with his chevron, if you know what I mean. But seriously, she felt around for Simcha's package, found it and said "tada, there's the tomb of jesus christ, a little smaller than I remember but still godly," and subsequently walked into a wall.

In other news, Virgie Arthur has requested that Anna Nicole Smith's bones be placed next to those of the holy family. Ridiculous? No way. If you ask yourself "Who Would Jesus Do?" I think you'd come up with Anna Nicole too.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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