A Tale Of Two Blondies

Written by DeeKay

Sunday, 18 February 2007

It was a rather cloudy day. As the rain lashed the windows, Britney sat in her living room consulting an outdated weather forecast. Having decided to make most of the "clear, sunny day", she committed to embarking upon a "Tour de la France."

Britney had made a New Year Resolution on the first day of that month to become self sufficient. That the month was August did not bother her.

Thus she chalked out her itinerary (with chalk), purchased her own air-tickets, flew more than half way across the world (US to Europe, trans-pacific) and completed her journey.

"The Eiffel Tower! How romantic," she gasped as she looked upon the Leaning Tower Of Pisa.
Unable to converse with the elevator operator in spite of aid from her "French To English" Dictionary, she climbed the steps to the top floor for a scenic view only to find another blonde leaning out the window.

"I wish you wouldn't lean so," spat an impatient Britney. "Your weight is making the tower tilt."

"Oh, I must find a way to escape this imprisonment," cried the blonde, Rapunzel. "My prince charming is waiting for me. And that Old-Hag-Of-A-Witch could return any moment. Her watch isn't working, you see. I'm afraid my hair isn't long enough to let me down any more. I suppose I should've avoided a hair-cut."

"Why did you get a hair-cut?"

"Well, I had a free coupon. And the bob is in fashion again."

"How foolish could you possibly get?" exclaimed Britney, disregarding her own existence.

"Hark! How dare you call me foolish!" thundered Rapunzel. "I shall turn you into a frog!"

"Ha!" Ha-ed Britney. "You couldn't if you wanted to. You aren't the Old-Hag-Of-A-Witch."

"Well," chirped an annoyed Rapunzel, "it would interest you to know that I am, in fact, training under the Old-Ugly-Hag-Of-A-Witch."

As Britney 'Uh Oh'-ed, Rapuzel brandished out her new wand (the broken end of a broomstick that the Old-Hag-Of-A-Witch had (ab)used upon Rapunzel on having learnt that she would have to take to climbing steps.) and promptly turned Britney into a penguin. Clearly, she hadn't been following her lessons well.

Britney didn't mind too much for the void in her head was now gone, possibly because her brain now fit well into her head.

Meanwhile, in an unfortunate turn of events, the Bush administration had issued recent orders for extermination of all penguins on the planet.

"I firmly believe that penguins are up to no good," Bush had lashed from atop a Banana tree. "They may look harmless.... Do not be fooled! Look at their faces! Is it not obvious that they are conspiring to do away with the human race? Our lives are under threat! They mustn't live!"
As an alleged innovation, he decided to have them mounted on hot-air balloons and buried into the ground.

And thus, the planet was freed of all penguins as well as Britney.

Rapunzel continued to lean out the window until one day, the tower gave way and collapsed, granting her an escape. As she looked up at heaven and thanked the holy lord, she was, unexpectedly, attacked and devoured by a lost hyena.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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