Ave I Got Newz 4 U!!

Funny story written by thejadman

Wednesday, 14 February 2007

Innit, thoouugh? How many times have we seen that rebellious character of Lauren in her cynical Catherine Tate Show mocking and arguing with teachers using her 'amusing,' pinky, street girl, slang language? You can tell where the inspiration is from.

You know, the annoying little girls who sit at the back of Peckham double-decker buses, chewing gum, laughing like chimps, chatting about boys and how they came to be excluded from school for saying a rude word to a teacher and, wait for it, laugh again.

Or maybe you've seen the spotty, snotty lads, deep voices, enormous gold chains with the cross on pulling their heads to the concrete pavement with trousers pulled down to the ankles, boxers in clear sight. The ones that march with shoulders going up and down with every step, wearing black sunglasses and black leather jackets, meeting their 'blads'(who look exactly the same) by punching each others knuckles or colliding shoulders whilst trying to do an arm-wrestle in mid-air.

I wonder how many GCSEs they're going to get. Between them.

The unfortunate truth is that this lifestyle has been adopted by so many teenage children and is sickening even to the point that this habit is being carried into school. These youngsters use slang or street language in their everyday speech.

This language has evolved from another language, text language which shortens the length of a word that is still understandable to people and saves time. Text language is used in sending text messages to others using mobile telephones. This is one example of a greatly used term in text language:

U = You

This is good for writing quick texts, even I use this one BUT children are using slang in writing notes, essays and even exams. They are using the letter 'u' to represent the word 'you' and other examples like the word 'are'.

In case no one has noticed but this is the English language. Writing short words or slang is good when sending texts but when a student is writing an essay, slang is the biggest no-no.

There are countless examples of reports that have been published reporting on the use of text language in exams. For example, the Daily Telegraph mentions that 'mobile phone shorthand is undermining standard English.' In 2004, a report published by the exam board, Assessment and Qualifications Alliance (AQA) says that the year's 'GCSE English scripts were peppered with abbreviated words.' Text language was used by pupils on more than '700,000' English papers. An unbelievable number! A certain Dr Bernard Lamb of the Queen?s English Society said, 'It is quite appalling that schoolchildren cannot distinguish between ordinary language and text language.'

Some people say that society is moving on and Text language is the writing language of the future. If Text language is the language of the future then Catherine Tate would be the Prime Minister of the future. A certain Jonathan Green of the USA published a book by the name of 'Cassell Dictionary of Slang' with a brain-thundering 87,000 entries. A North Carolina school district banned the book because of its 'vulgar...language'. Text language will not be the future because there will always be sensible people who do not wear huge gold chains and 'bop'.

Text language is good only for where it should be used: inside the screens of the mobile telephones. Text language must not be used when writing an English yes, English exam because it is not English.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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