Dallas Pierce is Suffering from Idiotism ... and he's not alone!

Funny story written by dallaspierce

Thursday, 23 February 2006

image for Dallas Pierce is Suffering from Idiotism ... and he's not alone!
Why not me?

Being passed over for a promotion the other day put me in a really bad state. It took me two Viagra and a half a can of warm Bud just to get out of bed this morning. Though I’m routinely passed over for better jobs, this one really hurt and I can tell you there’s some real soul-searching goes on when it continues to happen … even after skimming through Tony Robbins’ Unlimited Power.

Now that I’m on the rebound and dealing with what my counselor euphemistically refers to as “my challenges with deferred success,” I’m having trouble seeing the difference between my situation and others that end up with all kinds of special programs and stuff. Whether they’re minorities, women or simply less intelligent like me, it’s all the same: people like me just aren’t getting the good jobs. Why should I be treated any differently than those that benefit from all kinds of special programs? I know, some of you may say that I’m not being treated differently; that being white and coming from privilege, I’ve really benefited from “the system” all my life. But how does living in a motor home and driving a ‘91 Plymouth Voyager constitute a life of privilege. Besides, I don’t scare people when I threaten to sue.

It’s no more my fault I’m unintelligent than it would be if I were black, Hispanic or a female. Glass ceiling; how about a glass prison cell? I can see opportunity all around me, but I can’t get a shive in sideways. Discrimination is discrimination, regardless of circumstance and this kind has got to stop.

Remember Rainman? Tom Cruise figured out how to use his idiot savant brother, played by Dustin Hoffman, to get rich and pick up chicks. We all knew it was wrong. Sure he lost out on Daddy’s inheritance, but that’s just Hollywood, everyone knows Cruise and Hoffman got plenty of cash. They could even get real jobs if they wanted them. Well, I’m no different than Raymond Babbitt. I’m an idiot savant with none of that savant part.

Now that I’ve been passed over for promotion, lost at high stakes poker, and can’t get any women (…besides some local hookers, and they don’t count), I’m finally starting to ask some questions … the right questions. Why should all this be happening to me just because I’m less intelligent than the next guy?

There’s no shortage of stupidity around here: “Stupid is as stupid does?” I mean what’s that suppose to mean?

I’m starting a movement and it’s going to be big. I’m even going to call it a coalition and give my affliction a name: Idiotism. The coalition to end discrimination against Idiotism. I know I’m not the only one suffering in silence. I live in California and see the motorcycles flying between me and the guy in the next lane everyday on the expressway; the H3 … who’s idea was that? There are millions of us out there and we won’t be kept quiet much longer. Once we unite we’ll be a power to be reckoned with—a legislative power. Yes, some of us have enjoyed success: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Michael Moore, Britney Spears. But as even they could attest, there’s good days and bad days.

In the mean time, there are plenty of ways to show your support; throw the good cards back, pretend you’re interested ladies (Paris H.? Call me!), and promote the idiot. Remember; no faking!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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