Written by jd Balderdash

Friday, 13 January 2006

image for Just some random thoughts, please don't report me to the authorities

BOB Legere of KWXN, Denver and Ted Wallace of WQRZ, Miami attempting to hold a phone conversation ..

BOB -> So, Ted, can you tell me in your own words, how the heck are things going?

TED -> Bob I'm here at the scene of my living room watching the Dolphins game and .. hold on .. HE'S ON THE 20 HE'S ON THE 10 .. TOUCHDOWN!!! Uh, things are going great Bob, how about you?

BOB -> I'm sorry we're running out of time Ted but stay tuned to your cell phone, we'll chat again soon. (click) Allison? Back to you.

ALLISON -> Thanks hon. How's TED doing?

BOB -> Hold on, let me reset the teleprompter.


Your cable goes out, DSL too, the dog eats the cat, throws him up on the carpet, a meteor crashes through the den, the guy from Amway calls, 2 Jehovah's Witnesses appear at the door, WITH sack lunches, junior sets fire to the drapes, the oven bursts into flames and the microwave explodes, every pipe in the house shatters and all 3 toilets suddenly decide to flush UPWARDS .. Cousin Jake and the 5 kids arrive for a visit WITH a dozen fruitcakes and WAY too much luggage, flight 843 from Seattle to St Louis crash lands in the begonias and Ed McMahon shows up with a million dollar check asking for directions to your next door neighbor's house.

/\\ //\
\ ||="=|| /
/` | | `\
/ .-'\| |/'-. \
/ <o> \ / <o> \
=\ Y /=
`-._ '---' _.-'

"I've got a GUN, don't make me use it! REACH for your wallet real slow-like, yeah that's it. Now, type your credit card number in the space below. No funny business or I'll blow your MONITOR glass out ... reformat your HARD drive too if you rile me!"

(Visa number here)

(Expiration date here)

___________________________ (SUBMIT)
(Mother's maiden name here

SOLEDAD -> We interrupt this article to .. uh .. Miles? Why are we interrupting this article?

MILES -> I don't know Soledad. Have you been in the catnip again?


(insert image of raw steak on cutting board with caption reading ..)
"Hey, what are you going to do with that meat clee .."

tick tick tick tick

BUSH -> Ain't that thing supposed to go 'tock" ?



BUSH -> : (

"Somebody call 911! Somebody call 911!"

(ring ring ring)

911 -> This is 911 can I help you?

CALLER -> Yes ma'am we've got a pepperoni PIZZA emergency over here at 7th and Elm !!

911 -> Excuse me?

CALLER -> You're excused now can you hurry? Oh, don't forget the crushed red peppers this time.


BUSH -> Hey I thought you were dead.

KENNEDY -> And I thought you were alive Mr President, I thought you were alive.

HOW TO MAKE $100,000 IN 10 MINUTES !
(insert bank robbery photo .. here)

tick tick tick tick

BUSH -> Say, ain't that thing supposed to go 'tock'?


BUSH -> Laura? It finally went 'tock!'.

LAURA -> That's good hon. Time for your medication.

just some random thoughts. please don't report me to the authorities. again. They make you wear funny jackets at that place and .. and make you sit around watching Mash reruns all day and . and ..


The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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