The hand (largely credited with Man's triumph over nature and other deeply intelligent mammalian, cephalopodic, and avian life) is still incapable of retaining its grip on a small roughly rectangular shape for any significant duration of time, studie...
Prime Minister David Cameron has today demanded a full public enquiry into what is now being called the Fox report. It is claimed that Defence Secretary Liam Fox may have granted unprecedented access to classified files and to ministerial privile...
The dawn sun beat down on the party as they struggled onwards toward their goal, almost in sight at the final day of their expedition. They had been walking for over an hour and were beginning to feel that their journey would never end. A cat meowed. A dog woofed. A pigeon made a sort of pigeon noise and a mouse farted, followed through then died of syphilis. And at last, the party who set out fro...
BIRMINGHAM - A new Ministry of Transport report confirms what everbody has been doing since the 1960s. Honking horns, shouting profanities at other drivers, revving engines do move traffic along faster. The report analysed over 250 miles of motorw...
Fat kids all over the world were heaving a collective sigh of relief today when a report announced that childhood obesity was caused, not by eating endless amounts of crisps and Mars Bars, but by a genetic defect. A team of scientists have conclud...
In a stunning reversal of policy, the government of Argentina re-declared war on the Falkland Islands and announced plans for an immediate invasion. Infrastructure is currently being allotted; at least three ferries will be employed to bring land tro...
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A report has been produced by 'What do they do Ltd?' citing such luminaries as Guy Ritchie, Jude Law, Kelly Brook and Pete Doherty.
I discovered a top secreat report from the inland revenue on why they scrapped the 10p lower tax rate leaked survey of the average person from the council estates of England gave some shocking results.
The Inside Simon Report...issued sporadically to those with a need to know...
We report on a recent seminar given at FermiLab by the acclaimed particle physicist, Prof. H. Wonky Legg, the content of which will allow you, the reader, to judge whether particle physics is fun, or just downright daft.
The lieutenant nervously sat in his chair, pondering over the macabre. Unwillingly, his mind dwelled upon H-345: his intimate greeting, gentleness, sincere nodding, smooth skin, chestnut color, curly raven-black forelock, knee-high white legs, and above all the bright five-prong white star on his flat forehead. On the other hand, he shivered at the dreadful thought of causality-and-injury report t...
CLEVELAND, OH - I know. I couldn't believe it myself. I just saw a report on both Channel 3 and Action News this week regarding Cleveland's finest and exclusive hotspots for the celebs and big wigs. Yeah right, right? Well, it's right; oh baby is it right! And it's hoooooot! It's a mixture of a lukewarm and caffeine-free diet Cheerwine.
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