Britney Spears Dumps Hubby Kevin

Funny story written by Jalapenoman

Saturday, 17 December 2005

image for Britney Spears Dumps Hubby Kevin
Britney and Kevin are pictured in happier times (before she kicked him out(.

In a move not unexpected, Pop singer Britney Spears sent husband Keven Federline packing. Publicist Margaret Smith said that "Britney had enough of the playing around and the drinking and the immaturity. Now that they have a child, she needed Kevin to step up and be a father and a man and not just a play toy. He thought that everything he was doing was for laughs or fandom on a reality show, and these were not the responsible acts of a sober adult."

When reached for an interview while crashed out on the couch of USC quarterback and friend Matt Leinart, Federline said that, "she kept everything. She's got the keys to my car and my roadster and my bike and my SUV and my racer and my atv. She locked up the wet bar before she kicked me out and changed the combination to the liquor storage cabinets. I've got boxes of Penthouse and Hustler and she won't let me have those either. How does she expect a guy to survive? Does she really expect me to have to go out and get a job or something?"

In a surprise move, Britney quickly invited in Nick Lachey, recently split from Jessica Simpson (and of "Nick and Jessica" fame). Said Smith, "Nick is what she needs right now. In his relationship, he wanted children and Jessica wanted to be the little party girl. He wanted to leave the drinking and wild nights behind him and grow up; Jessica just wanted everyone to see her in her Daisy Duke short-shorts and make more bad television commercials."

Not to be outdone, Jessica Simpson purchased airline tickets for herself and Kevin Federline and invited him to spend Christmas with her in The Bahamas. "I've rented an island for us for the holidays," she said. "He can come and enjoy himself and we can get to know each other better. I think we have some of the same interest. He can bring his swimming trunks if he wants to, but my bikini is staying home!"

Britney's agent then called Jessica's agent to begin working out an official deal. As Nick is considered of higher value on the open market (slightly more talent , higher maturity levels, and better looks in a boy toy), Spears will have to send Simpson a back up singer and three roadies to make this an equitable trade.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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