HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Paris Hilton, the nation's number one socialite who has become very famous for actually doing nothing has just made a startling announcement.
Paris "I'm Hot" Hilton revealed to Bedroom Pillow Talk's Gazebo Serengeti that she wants to put to rest all of the dozens of rumors that have been floating around about her being pregnant.
She confessed that she had purchased a pregnancy test kit and when she tested her pee (urine) she saw a notation in the text box that read, "No baby - try again."
The star of the reality show The World According To Paris confessed to Serengeti that for the past month she has really been eating an awful lot of junk food.
Hilton said that she has literally stuffed herself with everything imaginable from Hostess Twinkies to Lays Triple Thick Potato Chips and Barbecued Buffalo Balls to Fried Oreo Cookies.
She remarked that part of the reason for her food gouging was to combat the horrible state of depression she has been in since being dumped by her boyfriend Cy Waits who reportedly left her for Hollywood stunt woman Casita "The Wonder Gal" Gallymeister.
Paris explained to Serengeti that she really would not have minded so much if Cy had left her for someone almost as famous as her such as Scarlett Johansson, Brooklyn Decker, or Audra Partridge but Casita Gallymeister - a mere stunt woman who falls off of motorcycles, race cars, and horses?
Serengeti mentioned that Casita is a very beautiful feminine woman and that even though she works at a very physically demanding job she does clean up very nicely and in the evening can sure look like a million dollars.
Hilton did not appreciate hearing Serengeti make that remark and she told him that she had to end the interview because she had to go and see about getting one of the fingernails looked at.
As she got up to leave, Serengeti remarked "Ah Paris, girl you sure do have a lot of damn bulges working all over the place - are you sure you're not pregnant?"
Paris stopped, turned around, and gave him her patented Paris Hilton cocked to the side with her arm on hip pose and replied, "Sticks and stones will, ya know never hurt me but words will, err I mean sticks and stones will, ya know break my spirit...oh hell - I forget...but ya know eff you for sure okey dokey hokey pokey?
[EDITOR'S NOTE: Paris Hilton's reality show The World According To Paris has just become the number one watched show in Sarah Palin's hometown of Wasilla, Alaska. Well I wonder why that does not surprise me.]