Written by Abel Rodriguez

Friday, 24 June 2011

image for Lindsay Lohan's Judge Has Just Showed That She Is The Most Lenient Judge In The World!
With Lindsay Lohan's super amazing luck she most definitely needs to start buying lottery tickets.

LOS ANGELES - Well, Lindsay Lohan appeared in court today and once again the little lost child got her way...she won!

She needs to definitely start buying lottery tickets because with her luck she could easily wins millions of dollars.

"LiLo" left the Superior Courtroom of Judge Stephanie "Soft As Cotton Balls" Sauntner practically skipping merrily to her waiting limo.

As Lohan passed by the throng of reporters, paparazzi, and curious onlookers she could be heard saying, "They ain't never gonna send me to no damn stinking prison, cause I'm Lindsay Lohan and I am bullet proof."

And sad to say but the freckled face, all-kinds-of-things abusing bitch is 100 percent right.

There is no one in the history of the American justice system who has ever gotten away with the things that this spoiled starlet has. Even her best friend Paris Hilton reportedly shook her head, upon hearing the news and asked, "Well like dammit and stuff, how in the world does LiLo do it - I mean is she sleeping with ex-Governor Schwarzenegger's' ex-maid or what?"

In her ruling, Judge "Softy" Saunter stated that she would not be sending Lohan to prison for failing her alcohol test. She said that instead she would instruct Miss Lohan to please not have any more parties at her house.

She also added that she wants her to try and stay away from carbohydrates, jelly donuts, and the pink sugar substitute packets.

The judge also informed the lucky diva that she wants her to try and not laugh and giggle so much while she is under "Home Confinement."

She then said that she will allow her to continue with her "House Arrest" but made it very clear that she had better not leave the house and go shopping, swimming, or stealing.

When the judge asked Lohan if she understood, Lindsay smiled, popped her gum, rolled her eyes, and replied "Yeah, yeah, yeah, to all of that shit - gosh all of those damn rules and regulations have just given me a headache and dammit, I get grouchy when I get a headache."

The judge apologized for being so rough on her but told her that it was for her own good and that one day when she grows up she will look back and actually thank her for what she did for her.

In other news. LeBron James is still so upset at being traded from the Miami Heat to the Cleveland Cavaliers that he is thinking of retiring and becoming a mall security guard.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
71 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more