University Challenge's Clemo to marry Katie Price

Funny story written by Bill Licks

Monday, 4 April 2011

image for University Challenge's Clemo to marry Katie Price
Here's your starter for 10. If F is force and D is displacement, what W work would it take to smash in Jordan's back door?

Andrew 'Clemo' Clemo, the captain of the defeated York team in the University Challenge final, emerged from the BBC studios with a cheeky grin on his face and his own personal trophy.

Not the impressive glass ornament that was being clutched by Magdalen Captain Matthew Chan, but an impressive bronze ornament in the shape of buxom beauty Katie Price.

'I'm really gutted we lost the final' said Clemo 'but I'm delighted that I'm going to be getting my hands all over Katie's gigantic pair of citrullus lanatus tonight.'

'I've answered questions about astrophysics, medieval musical instruments and imaginary numbers to the power 4n, but the easiest question I had to answer was after the show finished when Katie asked me if I would marry her.'

'Of course I said yes. I might look a little like a slightly camp, grinning Tony Blair, but underneath this V-neck sweater and cotton T-shirt combo is a testosterone fuelled beast who can't wait to open up Katie's portcullis and gallantly ride my trusty steed into her yawning chasm.'

The beaming Price added, 'I've always had the hots for Clemo. I've watched him every week on University Challenge and I just love the way he leans forward to answer a question as if the microphone wouldn't be able to pick up his voice if he just sat where he was.'

'I used to imagine that microphone was my favourite strap-on and he was leaning forward to wrap his thin weedy lips around it whilst I thrust it down his fragile little neck'

'So what if he lost the final and that Jackie Chan bloke, or whatever he's called made him look less intelligent than both of my ex husbands.'

'My Clemo is the REAL star of that show and now he's ALL MINE.'

The wedding will take place on the day before Prince William and Kate Middleton are due to marry but will not be a bank holiday. Guests who are expected to attend are Jeremy Paxman, Bamber Gascoigne and Keith Chegwin from Cheggar's Plays Pop.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more