Colin Firth lambasted at Oscars

Funny story written by IainB

Monday, 28 February 2011

image for Colin Firth lambasted at Oscars
Another famous stuttering George

Colin Firth, the actor who played King George in the film The King's Speech, has been lambasted by the press at the Oscars.

"He stood up there," said one newshound, "all prim and proper, orating in his posh English accent. There was not one stutter. Smoother than a Summer fruit Smoothie he was."

This has led many film critics to believe that Colin Firth put on the stutter merely for the film role.
"He stammered and stuttered his way through most of the film," said Barry Norman. "It was a very convincing portrayal. Now it looks like he was putting it on. This is an affront to all those people who suffer from speech impediments of any kind. It's terrible."

Colin Firth has hit back at his critics.

"Of course I didn't stutter in my Oscar speech," he said. "Prior to making The King's Speech, I suffered profoundly from a stutter. The role allowed me to work through my own problems as the King did himself. I totally immersed myself in the role, curing my own stutter just in time for the final scene. It was very moving, and the cast was brought to tears."

Firth's protestations have fallen on deaf ears, with thousands of people with diminished speech capacity protesting against the film and begging film goers to boycott the film, which has already grossed over a hundred and fifty million dollars and netted Firth himself fifteen million dollars.

"Out of the misfortune of others," said Barry Norman, "Firth has become the highest grossing actor in Hollywood. Apparently even Tom Cruise has approached him to join the Scientology movement, and there is no higher accolade than that."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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