Written by Abel Rodriguez

Sunday, 20 February 2011

image for Christina Aguilera Sends David Archuleta A 'Sexually Explicit' Text Message After His Record Company Drops Him
Christina Aguilera shown going over the words to the Star Spangled Banner two days before Super Bowl XLV.

BEVERLY HILLS - Stating that she herself has been there before, singing sensation Christina Aguilera has reached out to American Idol alumni David Archuleta after his record label Hand Jive Records dropped him.

Aguilera was at the Haven of Hair Salon in Beverly Hills when she got a text message from Archuleta's grandmother Constantina Archuleta with news that her grandson's recording company had dropped him.

Christina immediately told her hair stylist FuFi Fondue that she had to take a few minutes to regain her composure. Fondue replied that he understood and he went to a back room to do a little bit of sewing on a bridal gown that he is making for a second cousin of Paris Hilton's.

Aguilera who is still quite upset about forgetting the words to the National Anthem at the Super Bowl two weeks ago, and then earlier this week almost falling off the stage at the Grammy Award Show told FuFi that she had to leave.

He told her that he understood and rescheduled her appointment. Christina paid her usual hair styling fee and gave Fondue her customary tip of $45 and two free front row tickets to one of her concerts in the Los Angeles area.

She then went out to her car and took out her cell phone. She knew that David is basically a very shy individual who takes everything to heart so she decided to do something that she felt would hopefully make him feel better.

She started texting him a sexually explicit text message. She started off fairly tame in nature and gradually began working her way up into the four-lettered words category.

Archie, as Christina and his grandmother call him, responded by saying that her text message was helping him to feel a little better.

Christina fired off another erotically stronger message and D-Arch, as Randy "The Black Dawg" Jackson calls him replied that he was really feeling good now.

After Christina's third X-rated "Sext Message" Archuleta wrote back that he was going to have to take a break from texting and that he would get back with her in about ten minutes or so.

Christina Aguilera may have flubbed the words to the National Anthem and she may have almost fallen off the Grammy Award stage but in the eyes of one 20-year-old American Idol alumni she is exactly what the doctor ordered to cure his depression.

Forty five minutes later, David texted Christina back and told her that he thanked her for her kind, caring, and tremendously sexy words that lifted up his spirits as well as his "Little David" and he promised her that he would not show anyone the naked photos that she had so graciously emailed to him.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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