Charlie Sheen files Worker's Compensation claim

Funny story written by Veeus

Friday, 4 February 2011


The funny story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

In a statement from Sheen's lawyer, the case is spelled out quite simply. They claim that Charlie Sheen's character on CBS sitcom "Two and a Half Men" drinks heavily, does drugs, and sleeps with prostitutes. In order for Mr. Sheen to prepare for that role he has to research it constantly. Recent events in Mr. Sheen's personal life are the direct result of that work related research and he should be fully compensated for the injuries he has sustained in the course of his work.

We tried to reach CBS headquarters regarding this legal matter, but they have so far not returned our calls. However, we did discuss this case with a representative from Hollywood law firm Gurney & Chaser, experts in Worker's Compensation claims. Their opinion was that the judge would have to decide this case based upon what level of work falls under the worker's Compensation laws. Is only simple, paid labor covered or is the normally white collar application of outside the jobsite R&D covered as well?

As Mr. Chaser put it: "If Charlie Sheen had been at the office when he needed that ambulance, this would be a clear case of an on the job injury. However, since the injury took place outside the workplace while Charlie Sheen was doing research related to his work, the case is less cut and dried. A successful claim will turn based upon convincing the judge that this research was a factor in Mr. Sheen's employment contract even though he was not specifically compensated for such actions."

An exec from Warner Bros. Studio who wished to remain anonymous offered up his opinion: "This is a TV sitcom. Acts of drunkenness and prostitution are meant to be funny. They are funny. Well, they are funny until the authorities get called into it. Once the authorities are called in, it stops being funny. It has stopped being funny for Mr. Sheen. We license this show for distribution to the CBS broadcast network, not for their Showtime division, so standards have to be set. Right now, Mr. Sheen is not available to meet those standards so the production of 'Two and a Half Men' has been delayed."

"Two and a Half Men is a primetime sitcom. The drinking and sexual escapades on the show are all meant in good fun for family viewing. What is happening in Charlie's personal life has crossed the line. We understand that Charlie Sheen has a problem and we are going to stand by him 100% whether it takes three days of spin control or two months before he is ok again.", A CBS representative for the show stated when asked about the show's production hiatus.

"I do not expect this case to be decided by a judge.", Mr. Chaser said. "Instead, there will be an amicable out of court settlement and that settlement amount grows each day that production for 'Two and a Half Men' is held up."

So, readers, what is your opinion on this? Are you surprised by this development? Should Charlie Sheen be receiving workman's comp? Are you preparing your own lawsuit for damages due to the "loss of enjoyment" that this production delay is causing you?

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more