LOS ANGELES - After a full week of non-stop partying the star of Two and A Half Men, the number one rated comedy show on television, Charlie Sheen has finally decided to enter a rehab clinic.
Tittle Tattle Tonight reported that Carlos Irwin Estevez, aka Charlie Sheen, 45, checked into The Henry and Betty Ford Rehab Clinic in Los Angeles at 2:13 a.m. on Sunday, January 30.
He arrived in a limousine driven by former actor Billy Bob Thornton and was quickly ushered into the facility by the rehab clinic's head of security Van Buren Mollycoddle.
Charlie Sheen, who makes an amazing $1.25 million per show, was wearing his customary khaki safari shorts, Hawaiian shirt, Nike tennis shoes, Truman Capote designer hat, and no underwear.
The actor was met at the registration office by the clinic's Executive Director Cayenne Gayla Wheatgrass, who took all of Sheen's personal belongings including a $10,000 Rolex Watch, a cell phone, a wallet containing $13,971, a Ke$ha CD, two dimes, and six condoms.
Charlie, now known as patient #72987, was immediately visited by the clinic nurse Cadenza Costapino who took his blood pressure, looked into his ears, checked out his teeth, and then conducted a full-cavity body search.
Sheen unthinkingly reached for his wallet to pay her. Ms. Costapino blushed and said that she was flattered that he thought that she was pretty and sexy enough to be a call girl but that she was actually just a nurse.
"Wow! Who knew?" Charlie remarked.
Charlie then asked Costapino if she was going to check out his pecker. She paused for a moment and then happily replied, "Well, I guess now that you mention it, why the heck not?"
After she had finished with the penis checking process she took a deep breath and told Sheen that she now knew why he was so damn popular with the ladies.
Charlie grinned like the Chinese cat that swallowed the Costa Rican canary and told her that it was a gift from his dear old dad, actor Martin Sheen.
Suddenly there was a knock on the door and it was the rehab clinic's custodian Enzo Rudolphowitz. He introduced himself and handed Charlie a box of Kleenex and a roll of toilet paper.
Enzo told Sheen that he had been assigned to Demi Lovato's old room. Charlie said he kinda thought so because he could smell a slight scent of Eau Du Snow White and The Seven Dwarfs Perfume, which he just happens to know is the perfume that Demi uses.
Rudolphowitz then asked Charlie if he needed anything else. Charlie raised his eyebrows and whispered that he sure could use a bottle of Jack Daniels and a call girl.
Enzo started laughing so hard he almost spilled his mop bucket. He gave Charlie a high five, winked, and said that just between the two of them he would see what he could do.
'Tittle Tattle Tonight' will keep you abreast (no pun intended) of Charlie Sheen's stay at The Henry and Betty Ford Rehab Clinic.
