The Golden Globe Awards: Charlie Sheen, Brad Pitt, and Cher All Agree That The Show's Host Ricky Gervais Was "A Pompous Pathetic Punk"

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Monday, 17 January 2011

image for The Golden Globe Awards: Charlie Sheen, Brad Pitt, and Cher All Agree That The Show's Host Ricky Gervais Was "A Pompous Pathetic Punk"
Ricky Gervais' pet cat, Madam Pussywillow. (Photo courtesy of Richard Simmons).

BEVERLY HILLS - The International Ballroom of The Beverly Hills Hotel was the sight of The 68th Annual Golden Globes Award Show which was hosted by Ricky Gervais, a razor-tongued, venom-spewing comedian who can literally make Joan "The Moan" Rivers seem like one of the cute Olsen Twins.

Gervais, who contrary to what many people think, is really not gay although if one did not know one would be inclined to think that he was due to his penchant for wearing women's undergarments and talking in a high pitched voice reminiscent of Julia Childs.

Rick "The Dick" as he is known West of the Mississippi River has just recently been able to finally do away with his lisp affliction. Those who heard him before he 'fixed' it said that he sounded like he could be the illegitimate son of Barney Frank and Barbara Walters.

Charlie Sheen whom Gervais really hammered during his ten minute monologue, which many said ran nine minutes too long, said that if he ever sees Ricky on the streets of Los Angeles he plans on hitting the round faced twit so hard that his British accent will end up in Oregon.

Gervais had remarked that Sheen is such a hardcore drinker that he even drinks while showering.

Brad Pitt, whose wife Angelina Jolie was embarrassed by the English low-life who said that her lips are so huge that they could feed a family of six Ethiopians for a week, said that he was going to go backstage after the show and kick Ricky's atheist ass. Angie begged him not too and reminded him that he (Pitt) has never hit a woman and she did not want him to start now.

Even Cher, who is 93, but does not look a year over 89, said that she did not appreciate "Pisshead" saying that she had once dated Benjamin Franklin's son Rudy.

The 60's icon said that if she ever gets anywhere near the cabbage patch doll looking dandy she will take his face, place it between her upper thighs, and make him hum her big hit "Gypsies, Tramps, and Thieves."

And Hugh Hefner, who could not be there due to a Viagra erection that had lasted more than four hours expressed his utter disdain at the way Gervais insulted so many of his friends.

Hef, who is getting married for the 17th time at the age of 85, said that he is so upset at Gervais that he will be putting photos up on the Internet that purport to show Gervais actually French kissing a live lobster.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Wow! Let me say that I have actually seen one of those photos. And it has got to be one of the ugliest, vulgarest, sickest pictures that I have ever seen, and that includes the Ann Coulter-Shetland pony photo, the Sarah Palin-salmon photo, and the Nancy Pelosi-bi-sexual hamster photo as well.]

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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