Jonathan Ross nominated, wins poll

Funny story written by Shaun Ferguson

Monday, 24 January 2011

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Jonathan Ross is panned by critics

Following his appearance as host on this year's British Comedy Awards comedian and broadcaster Jonathan Ross is top of a new TV viewers poll.

In Saturday night's programme the unshaven celebrity appeared to have gained yet more weight, while sporting a small mustache and flop of hair that made him resemble a cross between Jeremy Beadle and Adolph Hitler, like whom he is soon to be an historic figure.

If his radio face was not enough to scare viewers into switching off, his material and delivery are thought likely to win him a place further down channel on Sky's popular game show, "Are you smarter than a 10 year old" - on the children's team.

Ross was a last minute substitution for Russell Brand who was called away by a friend's relapse at the 11th hour.

Ross's act has failed to recover from the Sachsgate scandal which resulted in all expletives, sexual references and insults being removed from his scripts, robbing him of 99% of his material and all the laughter - albeit it was only nervous laughter.

Ross told me, "I only had 24 hours to prepare and I used at least 10 minutes of it. I spent the rest of the time eating and looking in the mirror."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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