Valerie Bertinelli's New Husband a Convicted Wife Beater

Funny story written by Bureau

Monday, 10 January 2011

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According to court records, Tom Vitale, who just married TV actress Valerie Bertinelli is a wife-beater.

"I love Valerie to death", states one friend who agreed to talk to us if some other friends would do so. "But the lady sure knows how to pick 'em."

"Our Valerie has convinced herself that the guy has reformed but I would take on a self-defense class if I were in her shoes", stated another. "Of course, she may be right. I hope so."

The friends stated that Valerie knows all about Vitale's past record but is willing to try to reform him.

Meanwhile, Valerie has told both Entertainment Tomorrow and World Boxing News that she doesn't exactly have a perfect past either.

"I don't think Tommykins could hurt anyone", stated Bertinelli. "He has always been a perfect gentleman to me. He even had a small cushion made to fit over that stupid doorknob I ran into at the house."

Valerie told one magazine that she and Tom will be fine.

A relative told one of our reporters that Vitale has a boxing bag downstairs and when or if they disagree, he will go down there and bang away. He has also taken a course in anger management and they recommended the bag after he allegedly decked a member of the staff.

Meanwhile, Bertinella says they are taking it 'One Day at a Time'.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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