Lindsay Lohan Leaves The Rehab Clinic As Happy As A Woodpecker In A Chopstick Factory

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Wednesday, 5 January 2011


The funny story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for Lindsay Lohan Leaves The Rehab Clinic As Happy As A Woodpecker In A Chopstick Factory
Lohan has said that she wants to return to Hollywood and start making movies even ones like Jennifer Aniston makes.

LOS ANGELES - The Tinsel Town Times Tribune has stated that noted and much troubled actress Lindsay Lohan has finally left The Henry and Betty Ford Rehab Clinic.

LiLo, as she is known, skipped out of the facility looking like a younger, nicer, cleaner, smarter, and somewhat less conceited version of her old self.

The rehab clinic's executive director Cayenne Gayla Wheatgrass, 76, told the throng of assembled entertainment media that Miss Lohan has a long way to go before she gets to the point where she can be completely trusted not to do anything idiotic, stupid, ignorant, or which would be categorized as Charlie Sheenesque in nature.

Lohan's anger management instructor Talbot F. Neckingbrewster noted that Miss Lohan realizes that she has to stop acting like a damn diva and a punk ass prima donna if she is going to ingratiate herself to her fans.

He elaborated on the fact that Lohan has a total of about nine (9) different complexes and that anyone of them could cause her to become depressed and want to spit on someone, which would not be a good thing if she ends up spitting on say, a big, ol' sista like Queen Latifah who will turn around and whip the ever living daylights out of the little honky white cracker.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Mr. Neckingbrewster does not beat around the bush (no pun intended). He tells it like it is, like it should be, and like it had better not be.]

As Lohan was leaving the clinic she was approached by the facilities custodian Enzo Rudolphowitz who had become close to Lohan. He reached into his pocket and he took out a wooden woodpecker that he said he had spent a total of 38 man-hours carving.

He told Lindsay that he had named it "Freckles" in honor of all of the thousands of freckles that LiLo has from the top of her forehead to the bottom of her feet and lots and lots of places in between like her boobies, her hooha, and her ass.

Lohan blushed. She thanked Enzo and gave him one hell of a French kiss that caused the assembled media to sigh a collective "Ahhhhhhh."

SIDENOTE: Lindsay Lohan apparently texted her mom and dad and told them that she knows that the secret to her successfully succeeding with her post-rehab life is to avoid people who can do her absolutely no good, so she informed them that she does not want to see them, nor celebrity bitches like Paris Hilton, Tila Tequila, LeAnn Rimes, Nicole Richie, or Naomi Campbell; especially Naomi "The Queen of Mean" Campbell she stressed.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more