X-Factor's Matt Cardle Wins The £1 Million Recording Contract

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Monday, 13 December 2010

image for X-Factor's Matt Cardle Wins The £1 Million Recording Contract
Simon Cowell shown carrying part of the £1 million won by X-Factor winner Matt Cardle. (Photo courtesy of Derek Hough).

LONDON - The Colchester, Essex contestant, Matt Cardle, who was mentored by Dannii Minogue has won the 2010 edition of X-Factor.

Cardle, who has said that the Beatles are his favorite all-time band and Manchester United's Chicharito is his favorite football player walked away with the £1 million recording contract [$1.6 million U.S.].

Matt, who is 27, told Simon Cowell that he plans on taking a little vacation to the Mediterranean isle of Majorca and visit one of his old school chums Ellsworth Windsorgarden, 28, whom Matt stressed is not gay or even remotely gay.

Rebecca Ferguson of Liverpool took second place and told X-Factor host Dermot O'Leary that she is thrilled that at least she was able to beat out the all-boy band One Direction who finished in third place.

Twenty-four-year-old Ferguson noted that her next goal is to go back to Liverpool and find some nice young lad and become his girlfriend. Becky, as her lesbianite neighbor Stella Pilltower, 37, calls her, blushed and said that it has literally been about seven months since she has had her wissy-pissy touched by a young male.

The boy band One Direction informed O'Leary that they plan to go off in the direction of France and record a Christmas album with France's first lady Carla Bruni-Sarkozy.

American singer Rihanna, who has the reddest hair on both sides of the 'pond' stated that she plans on recording a duet with Matt. She pointed out that she wrote the song which is titled, "You Say Golly And I Say Blimey, You Say Yank And I Say Limey."

X-Factor reject Chloe Mafia, a noted hooker showed up to the finale and was told by the head of security, Sir Reginald Attleborough, that she could stay but only on the conditon that she not try to drum up any 'business.'

SIDENOTE: X-Factor producer Agustus Whittingstall stated that over 20 million viewers tuned in to the X-Factor finale including 6,000 sailors aboard the British aircraft carriers HMS Camilla Parker Bowles, HMS Petula Clark, and HMS Sheriff of Nottingham Forest.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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