Ramones Rejects Plan Album, Tour

Funny story written by Ellis Ian Fields

Friday, 22 October 2010

image for Ramones Rejects Plan Album, Tour
Colin Ramone

The world is set to rock again to the sounds of Sheena Is A Punk Rocker and Blitzkrieg Bop thanks to four ageing leather-clad rockers.

A new album, set for release next month, features four musicians who nearly made it into the classic line-up of 70s and 80s rock legends The Ramones.

Back in the days of punk rock, Joey, Jonny, Dee Dee and Tommy Ramone set the world alight with their three-chord classics like Rockaway Beach on albums like Rocket To Russia.

Clad in biker jackets and starting each song simply with Dee Dee bellowing "Onetwothreefour" the Ramones were favourites everywhere.

But there is a group of musicians who were left behind - simply because their names didn't fit the image.

Meet Colin, Trevor, Aloysius and Eric Ramone.

Said guitarist Colin: "We all went to the auditions and got very close to making it into the band. But when they heard our names, it was like 'Ooh, sorry... Colin Ramone? Ain't gonna work. And with Trevor being English... well...

"So we were out. But we didn't hold it against the guys. After all they were brilliant.

"One of the audition rejects did make it. When Tommy quit they took on Mark and called him Marky, which was a bit lame, I always thought.

"And it was a bit of cheat when they employed Clem Burke and called him Elvis, but there you go."

Three of the original line-up - Joey, Jonny and Dee Dee - died after the band called it a day.

But now Colin, Trevor, Aloysius and Eric are to release an album of classic Ramones tracks and promote it with a tour of major venues.

Said classically-trained singer Aloysius: "We are all very excited. This is an opportunity to recreate some wonderful memories - and make a few bob into the bargain."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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