New Fall Line-Ups Announced for TV Networks

Funny story written by Jalapenoman

Wednesday, 15 June 2005

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NBC among networks to announce six new shows for the fall season

Television programmers and executives announced six additional shows today for their fall line-ups. CBS Vice President Bart Clicker said: "We all had some shows that were on the bubble, like Joan of Arcadia and Arrested Development. Now that the decisions about those series have been made, we can tell you what will be taking their places.

The new shows are:

"Who Wants to Marry a Muslim?" Fifteen beautiful women of the free world will be transported to Beirut for the filming of this show. They will learn to cover up their beautiful bodies with full length robes and veils and wear these in the hot sun (as opposed to short shorts and halter tops). They will attempt to be subservient to all men and only speak to their potential husband. They will also have to surrender their car keys and driver's licenses and learn to walk to the market every day. The top prize winner will be selected as third wife of a rich oil sheik and live in his middle eastern tent without indoor plumbing. (ABC)

"CSI: Baywatch" By combining two of the top shows of recent years, CBS hopes to score big. Investigators will use forensic science to discover who is behind the towel thefts on the beach, why some women jiggle so much when running in slow motion, why a young child's ice cream melts too fast during the summer months, and who stole Pamela Anderson's acting talents. Lab coats will not be worn in the science department in favor of the required bikini. (CBS)

"Survivor: Bachelorette Apprentice Idols" Combining four successful reality series may just provide the most successful show of the new season. The weekly contest will include people scantily clad, dirty women trying to impress the board with their musical abilities while eating a diet of local flora and fauna. Contestants that are voted off receive red roses, be insulted by Simon Cowell, and then fired by Donald Trump. (NBC)

"The Simple Life Ten; Adventures of the Simple Minded" Paris Hilton and her new equally freakish companion, recently acquitted Michael Jackson, will try to find someone in America who actually cares if they are back on network television. (FOX)

"Everybody Loves the Seinfeld Cast" All members of the Seinfeld cast, who have now had thirty-two shows cancelled between them, reunite in the family comedy. Jerry Seinfeld plays a New York City sportswriter. His taller, police office brother, will be played by Michael "Kramer" Richards. Julia Louis-Dreyfus will play his wife. Jason Alexander will play his balding father. In the pilot episode, the family goes out for lunch and gets kicked out of a soup restaurant by a "Nazi-like" cook. (CBS)

"Church Chat," with The Church Lady In the tradition of Highway to Heaven, Touched by an Angel, and Joan of Arcadia, this will also be a show with a religious theme. Comedian Tom Arnold will take over the role made popular by Dana Carvey. He/She will start out in the studio doing his talk show, then go out on the street and use his/her over the top antics to destroy Satan. Early shows will include inquisitions against low rise jeans, Howard Dean's recent ravings, rap music, and tattoos. (NBC)

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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