In yet another salacious Skoob Entertainment News exclusive, we can reveal that unemployed Rochdale man, Luke Pissquick claims to have shagged X-Factor fame junkie Katie Waissel, and added that she wasn't all that.
Pissquick explained that he met Waissel in a pub in nearby Burnley - Yates's Wine Lodge - in 1987. He said they were introduced by somebody, got chatting, and that the couple then went to a terraced house up Duke Bar, had a meat pie each, and then enjoyed a night of passion on an inflatable lilo on the sitting room floor because her mam and dad were upstairs in bed.
"We'd had a few at the time," Pissquick admitted. "And to be honest, it were nowt to write home about. She had a fit body like, but I remember her breath smelling of Victory V lozenges and Southern Comfort. Don't get me wrong like - she weren't that bad, but she weren't that good either. I had to piss off at about five in the morning to get out the way before her dad got up for work. I remember it were right chilly that morning."
SEN supremo Buffty Ginslinger was quick to pour cold water on Pissquick's story however. He told us:
"The man's a bloody fantasist. He obviously didn't shag Katie Waissel. It was 1987 for God's sake. She probably wasn't even born then - much less drinking in a Burnley pub. This Pissquick chappie is obviously a ruddy oaf. And I sometimes wonder about you too dear boy. If you'll believe that load of old shite, you'll believe anything. Right - I'm off down the pub."
As we were packing our gear away, Luke Pissquick said:
"Did I tell you about the time I had a threesome with them girls out of Abba in the bogs at Batley Variety Club?"
More as we get it.