Paris Hilton does it again

Written by matthatt

Tuesday, 21 September 2010

image for Paris Hilton does it again
Land of the free.

Paris Hilton was sentenced to two consecutive six-month sentences in the Clark County Detention Centre, which were suspended, and she was warned that she faces being jailed for up to a year if she breaks the terms of her probation.

"The purpose of this, at this point, is for you to change your conduct," the judge told Paris in front of a packed courtroom. "When you break the law here, there will be consequences. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, maybe not ever or to you directly, you probably won't ever end up in prison, ever"! The Judge continued in his sternest tone. "But there will be consequences." at this point the hotel heiress asked if she could "pop to the little girls room", in her most coquettish manner, to the judge who giggled, blushed, took his handkerchief out and waved it at her as she left the courtroom to sprinkle her tinkle.

The court and the judge were left waiting for a full ten minutes which seemed not to faze the judge at all, who sat throughout with a beatific smile on his countenance as he stared up the ceiling.

When Paris finally did emerge from the bathroom, her entire head appeared to be covered in what can only be described as a white powdery substance, it trailed behind her as she walked. There was even an actual pile of white powder on top of her head and one on each shoulder. Her usually pristine blond hair was utterly matted with the white powdery substance and all sign of her not unattractive features were completely and utterly masked by white powder from the top of her head down to somewhere around the shoulder line. All that could be determined were her dark, heavy lidded, eyes, blinking vacantly like two pieces of obsidian amidst an arctic tundra and giving of puffs of delicate powdery flotsam with each blink of her long lashes.

As she walked across the courtroom floor, the assembled journalists' audibly gasped, the judge however, appeared not to notice the fact that the doe eyed defendant looked as if someone had emptied an entire sack of icing sugar over her perfectly coiffured head. With each breath she exhaled, as she walked, clouds of white could clearly be seen cascading from her nostrils and lips, billowing around her in a way that brought to mind Pigpen, the dirty child from the Peanuts cartoons who was constantly surrounded by a cloud of filth. But this wasn't filth issuing forth from the hotel heiress.

One of the other journalists, who was sitting near the isle of the court, was seen to reach down to the floor, where a plethora of the unmissable handfuls of powder had settled and tentatively touch it, then test it by rubbing it between forefinger and thumb, he then, as the rest of the assembled news crews watched agog with chins at street level, he touched the tip of one finger to his tongue, like you see policemen do in countless movies when encountering an unknown white substance, he touched the powdered finger tip to his tongue, appeared to ruminate a moment, grimaced and nodded to his nearest journalistic companion as he mouthed the word "cocaine" in that overly deliberate way that your aunty does when talking to your mum about operations and such in the "down there" region.

Every reporters head swivelled to face the front in unison, Busby Berkley couldn't have timed it better, there was a grip on the assembled audience as they waited to see what would happen next, the heiress completed the walk back to her seat and was just sitting down as we all turned back to look. The cloud that erupted from Ms Hilton upon her pert derrière hitting the pew can only be described by analogy, a volcanology analogy at that, if we had been out doors I am under no doubt that the FAA would have grounded all airport traffic within the immediate vicinity.

Amazed and horrified at this time lapse train wreck taking place before us, we watched as the judge and Miss Hilton appeared oblivious to the now settling cloud of restricted pharmaceuticals as it caught the afternoon sunlight shining through the high set courtroom windows.

The Justice of the peace turned to the defendant and smiled, he drew a breath as if to speak but was interrupted by a court clerk who was obviously attempting to draw the blind justices' attention to Paris's appearance, but he was shushed away with short shrift.

The rest of the sentencing went by hitch free but with Paris Hilton covered in cocaine and the judge continuing to make stern declarations and warnings about breaking the terms of her probation and the consequences of this, all of which Paris nodded in agreement to and with each nod another cloud of white would erupt and descend.

Finally all legal issues had been accounted for, allegedly. Miss Hilton was then lead from the courtroom through a side door by an aide, who took her by the arm with one hand but appeared to be carrying a small hand held vacuum cleaner in the other.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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